My Quest for Assurance

The first thirteen years of my walk with Christ was in Pentecostal and Charismatic churches. Of course since I was taught from their pulpits, I came to hold a view of salvation that is closest to that of Arminian. I believed that my salvation could be lost but I really didn’t know how, I just believed that it could. At first I feared I lost it every time I sinned and so thought I had to get saved all over every time I repented. But after awhile I learned that this was not a Biblical understanding of the new birth and therefore was an unwarranted fear. Yet I still believed it was somehow possible to lose my salvation.

Eventually I was introduced to the teaching of John Macarthur who, over time, persuaded me through various Bible passages to embrace the doctrines of Calvinism. It seemed to be an adventure to finally learn what the Scriptures “really taught” about salvation. Of course I came to accept the eternal security of the believer because it is a necessary part of the system. The reasoning is that if God unconditionally chose who would be saved then there is no possibility of them not being saved. All of the elect, based on the assumption that unconditional election is true, have to come to Christ at some point and never could fall away from Him at any point after that. I came to believe I had salvation “in the bag” so to speak.

Over the next few years I became a full five-point Calvinist—owning the doctrine of limited atonement—not because I became convinced of it from Scripture but because of its logical necessity within the system of Calvinism. I learned that I would not be consistent in rejecting this one point while accepting the rest. Therefore I began trying to prove to myself that the Bible really teaches this doctrine. I tried and tried to harmonize it with Scripture but the more I studied the more I became frustrated and confused. It was as though I had hit a brick wall and could not go any further with Calvinism. In my mind, if limited atonement was not true (and the plain reading of Scripture bears this out) then something was very wrong with the whole system because the system logically demands that it is.

I came to a place of despair and loss of assurance over my salvation. The stark reality was that I had no way of knowing if I truly was one of the elect. And if I really wasn’t then I never could get saved; this was a most horrible prospect to consider. I found the only assurance Calvinism offered was that perseverance to the end would prove if I was elect. But I quickly realized this meant that I could not know right now if I was—I had to reach the end. Plus, I might someday fall away proving I really wasn’t elect even if I thought all along I was.

So then I stepped back and began contemplating the debate between Calvinists and Arminians which has raged for centuries. I knew that much greater minds than mine couldn’t come to agreement, therefore I concluded I never could find assurance because I never will know which side is right. But this, I came to discover, wasn’t necessarily a correct assumption. Just because there has been disagreement between the two doesn’t mean there are no clear answers in Scripture.


Reevaluating Calvinism

There were some teachings of Calvinism that I never did whole-heartedly accept because Scripture just didn’t seem to bear them out for me. One was limited atonement which I already touched on. Another was the teaching that faith is a gift from God rather than a persuasion in the heart of the hearer. I just couldn’t be convinced that the gift in Ephesians 2:8-9 is faith. Especially since, “So then faith [comes] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Rom. 10:17), is in the context of the gospel message being preached, not that of a divine gift being deposited. But, consistency in the Calvinistic system demands that faith be a gift and that regeneration precedes it. There really is no way around this. So I realized that if the doctrine of limited atonement and the Calvinistic ordo salutis (the order of salvation) had proved untenable to me, then all of Calvinism was fair game.

Next I began focusing on the doctrine of unconditional election. I truly believed Ephesians 1:4 meant that before the creation of the world, God determined which individuals He would save while leaving the rest to perish. But after giving it some careful thought I had to admit although this could be what the verse means it doesn’t necessarily have to mean this. In fact, I took notice that nothing in the context warrants Paul is even talking about individuals or an unconditional election. Quite simply, this is what Calvinists have told us it means. Again, I acknowledge that it may very well mean this but at least I was no longer locked in with no other options. Then many other passages that seem to teach unconditional election came under my suspicion which I also found to be open for discussion.


Evaluating Arminianism

At this point I decided to investigate the Arminian side because I never had learned what they really believe. Through prayerful study of their teaching I noticed much more agreement with Scripture and overall logical consistency within their theological system than I had seen with Calvinism. In fact, it wasn’t until I started studying Arminianism that I became aware of the bulk of logical inconsistencies and unavoidable flawed conclusions that Calvinism creates.

Calvinism seems to have some very strong proof texts for unconditional election which, I believe, form the basis of the five-point system. But I found that the further one delves into the whole the more desperate the attempts become at finding Scriptural support and the need to develop novel explanations for the inconsistencies that arise. It is as though the arguments they have to make create even more problems than they solve.

Now I’m sure Arminianism is not perfect either and I still do not consider myself an Arminian. I just want to know the truth from God’s word and order my life according to it regardless of what any theological system demands. But I recognize that systems are helpful because they harmonize Scripture and make sense of it. The Christian faith is a reasonable faith; it should make sense to us. We can’t always use Deuteronomy 29:29 as an escape hatch because some issues about salvation seem unclear. Therefore, any system found to have serious inconsistencies, propositions that disagree with the plain reading of Scripture, and logic that leads to flawed conclusions should be questioned. And, yes, I believe Calvinism fits this description.


Assurance Acquired

My quest for assurance actually came to fruition once I learned the Scriptural truth about apostasy. This might sound odd at first because we think that apostasy, if truly a Biblical doctrine, should strike fear in our hearts, not give us assurance. But I have come to learn that submitting to the truth always brings joy to my heart. The more I can learn and live by the truth the more I am on God’s side.

Remember I said that early in my Christian walk I believed I could lose my salvation but I just didn’t know how it could happen? Well, now I believe Scripture has answered that question for me and knowing how it could happen assures me that it can’t happen involuntarily. It is a willful sin (Heb. 10:26). Therefore, it is not entirely correct to say that a true believer can “lose” their salvation. Scripture teaches in Ephesians 2:8-9 that we are saved by grace through faith, not by our own works. And it also teaches that we must continue in the faith (Rom. 11:20-22; 1 Cor. 15:1-2; Col. 1:21-23; Heb. 3:12-14). Our own works do not save us nor do they keep us saved. We must persevere in faith. “For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, ‘The just shall live by faith’” (Rom. 1:16). “From faith to faith” speaks of living by and continuing in the faith. But the possibility of drawing back from the faith always remains, “Now the just shall live by faith; But if [anyone] draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him” (Heb. 10:38). This is the Biblical doctrine of apostasy.

Scripture is replete with genuine, not hypothetical, warnings about the possibility of committing apostasy (Deut. 29:18-20; 1 Chron. 28:9; Matt. 24:9-13; Mark 4:14-20; John 15:1-7; Rom. 11:17-22; Gal. 5:2-4; 2 Thes. 2:1-3; 1 Tim. 1:19-20, 4:1; 2 Tim. 2:12-13, 2:16-18; Heb. 3:12-14, 6:4-8, 10:23-31, 12:15-17; 2 Pet. 2:18-20). I had to finally be honest with these passages that they do in fact teach that a true believer can forfeit their salvation. And once that is done the person can never be brought to repentance again (Heb. 6:4-6). There is no possibility they can ever come back to Christ.

Now I found this doctrine to be so assuring for several reasons. Mainly because it proved to me once and for all that, although election is taught in Scripture, it can’t be the kind of unconditional election Calvinists teach. Therefore I don’t have to worry anymore that I may not be one of the elect. This means I don’t have to wait until I reach the end of my perseverance to find assurance. I can have it right now. Also, I have no doubts that Christ died for me and paid the penalty for my sins because this He did for everyone. Therefore, as long as I’m continuing in the faith then I not only know I really am saved but that I also am secure—nothing can separate me from the love of God (Rom. 8:35-39), nor can anyone snatch me from His hand (John 10:29). And though the Scriptural warnings about apostasy are very real, they are directed toward those in danger of committing it, not those who are continuing in the faith. And this doesn’t just happen overnight. It comes from a hardening of the heart through sin (Heb. 3:12-15), and heeding heretical teaching (2 Tim. 2:18). This in turn motivates me to live a holy life and be careful about what I am exposed to.

I have come to learn that salvation is simply conditioned on our faith. And faith itself is not a meritorious work (Rom. 3:27-28, 4:1-3), nor is it a gift (Eph. 2:8-9), as Calvinists need it to be to comply with their system. “Works” are meritorious works! This shouldn’t be that difficult for us.

So now I have assurance. The writer of Hebrews seemed to use his warning about the possibility of apostasy (Heb. 6:4-8) as a springboard to give his readers assurance: “And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end” (Heb. 6:11). Full assurance of hope until the end is indeed what I have.